Monday, December 15, 2014
Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
I joined a book club.
We haven't had a meeting yet but I've already dived in a finished the book of the month. Now I am anxiously awaiting for the first meeting. There are a couple of things I hadn't expected to come from joining a book club but now I am exciting even more that this was a goal on my list.
I'm exciting to read books that I never would have thought about reading. I am also excited to meet a few people who share my love of books and hopefully become fast friends with them.
The first book in my book club experience is Shades Of Grey by Jasper Fforde. It has nothing to do with the popular book 50 shades of grey(but that was a fun read!). It was a really interesting book and one that I had never heard of. I think I really like the author and from what I can tell from reviews and such all of his other books are just as good.
Starting the book is like drowning in the deep end of the pool. You don't know what is happening and you start to panic. Panic that you just paid for a book that you can't even make heads or tails of. Everything is so imaginative and new. Shortly after starting everything feels normal and everything he is writing feels like you've heard your whole life. Almost like you are floating across the water now and ready to sun bathe for hours.
Sometimes life can feel that way, too.
Saturday, May 17, 2014
If I had to answer the question 'Is your life moving forward, backward or on hold?', I think I would have a hard time deciding between the three. I'd like to say my life is moving forward. Who doesn't want that? It some ways it definitely is. There are a lot of changes happening. Good changes. Exciting changes. Who wants their life to move backward? I don't know. Maybe moving backward doesn't have to be a bad thing all the time. Just taking a step back and changing directions. Some of the things going on in my life I never thought would happen. I've worked hard and are those things over for now? Maybe but maybe it is just a new journey starting. Is on hold bad? It sounds pretty nice. For things to just not change. To just be.
I don't know if my life is moving forward, backward, or on hold.
I do know that life is definitely happening, though.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
I'm okay with this.
The drive is Meagan time. The drive is thinking time. The drive is praying time. The drive is singing loudly time. The drive is just nice before the craziness of the work day starts and before the night time rituals of the house start.
Lately, I haven't been singing loudly in my drive. In fact, I sometimes don't even turn the music on. The drive has been used for much needed thinking time. I've had a lot to think about lately. My life in its current state, my future, the what if's, the could haves's, and the should have's. Most of the time even by the time my drive is over I still haven't finished what is swirling around in my head.
The good news is I get to do it all over again the next day.
Eventually, I will figure it all out.
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
I might not remember exactly what me and my boyfriend did on our dates. Over time I will only remember we have went on lots of dates. I will remember how wonderful they felt. I will know that they built our relationship into something bigger.
I might not remember all the fun things I have done with my son. All the little things. All the big things. Over time I will just remember the fun as a whole. I hope that is what he will remember, too.
I don't necessarily want to remember the bad things in my life. They are apart of life, however. I don't want to remember the pokes, prods, and tears. I don't want my son to remember that either. Over time I just want him to remember that I was there for him.
Over time, the little things we do each day might fade away but they become so much bigger.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
I'm craving rain and flowers, sandals and pedicures and walking outside and not needing a heavy jacket.
The first day of Spring sounds refreshing.
I'm enamored with Spring already and it has just started.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
A weed but a very pretty one.
You can try to get rid of it but it keeps coming back. It is strong and doesn't give up. It is pretty. When you see a field of yellow dandelions, you don't see weeds you see pretty yellow flowers. When the dandelions are whit they are just as pretty and are ready to begin the process again. Dandelions are useful. You can eat them. I never have before but you can. You can boil the leaves of a dandelion. They are good in a salad, supposedly. You can make tea of out them. You can make wine out of them. That is more up my alley. Dandelion wine. That sounds excellent. They have lots of vitamins and are quite healthy. It can strengthen the whole body.
Yep, I would definitely be a dandelion.
Friday, March 14, 2014
Driving around, it dawned on me that it was Pi day! 3.14. There is only one day to celebrate that day! Eat pie! It also happens to be a goal on my 101 list. I would have loved to make a pie to celebrate the day but I had to settle for getting a hershey sundae pie from BK. It was delish...
On the same day, I was at the mall with my loves and we walked by a photobooth! One of my goals is to do a photobooth picture! Of course, we did it! I love photobooth pictures. You can strike quite a few poses and you have a sweet souvenir to always remember.
and now I owe myself 22 for completing 2 goals!
Monday, March 10, 2014
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
One book in a gift shop recently caught my big blue eyes and I had to have it. It was a cutesy book about love and I was on a date. I just had to have it.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Some of my goals are fun and light hearted while others are more challenging. I didn't want it to be a list that felt like a chore. I'm right! This list has been fun! Even the challenging ones are fun!
One goal I didn't think I would actually have any problems with is saving 11 dollars for every goal completed. I guess I just assumed the goals wouldn't be completed like BAM BAM BAM! I'm really lucky that because of my job I always have cash on hand but even so handing over $99 in the first 2 months was hard to do! I could have gotten a shirt on clearance, a new coffee mug, a delicious frappe, or something else but off the money went into a envelope marked "Goal List Money".
Saving money is a good thing and I really am not complaining. I just always need to have $11 on hand because who knows when the next goal is going to be completed.
Monday, February 24, 2014
We went to a tiny little town in Kentucky not far from where we live. It had a cute little Inn. It was full of antiques and had plenty of history behind it. I'd love to just duplicate it and have it as my own house!
It was the PERFECT birthday and romantic getaway. I can't thank my sweet boyfriend enough for doing something so special for me. I'm definitely already loving being twenty-
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Me and the boyfriend usually have Monday Day Dates but this one was a little special. I had the whole day planned out and it was a surprise! I'm bad with surprises so I'm proud I didn't let anything slip. I picked him up early in the morning and wouldn't tell him where we were going. This was a tad difficult to do because he lives in the city and I don't. I only know how to get to certain things in the city like the hospital and the bars. Sometimes I need to go to both of those things in the same night. Just sayin'. Kidding. Kidding.
Along the way I handed him envelopes that had cute little things written inside of them. They all started out with "I love you because..." and they had to do with what we were currently doing. When he held my hand in the car. When he looked at me a certain way. It was all about timing with the envelopes. It worked out perfect. It was such a sweet and simple way to show him how much I love him.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Unfortunately, things started to go bad. We were sat at a high top table in the bar area. My 6 year old child isn't tall enough to reach the seats on his own not to mention it is in the bar area! We get settled. We order. Our food takes forever to get there. We ordered sandwiches and chicken tenders. Our drinks were sitting there empty. When our food got there, mine was not great and I didn't eat it. All in all for me, it wasn't a pleasant dining experience.
Then I remembered what I just posted about the perfect meal. I looked at my 2 boys and decided I was going to enjoy this lunch no matter what. It was Valentine's Day. I had the 2 greatest Valentine's with me. It didn't matter that the service and food were not outstanding. The meal was perfect.
Since, it was Valentine's Day and at this point I'm sure the waitress thought she wasn't going to get a good tip I decided to go ahead and 100% tip her. It is on my 101 goal list to do. Marshall was paying for the actual lunch but I decided since it was my goal I should leave the 100% tip. Luckily, I had exactly that much in cash. Funny how that worked out!
Goal Completed! Woohoo!
Valentine's Day was an adventure for us. It didn't stop there. The whole day brought on more crazy, crazy ,crazy times but it was a wonderful day. I got to spend it with my 2 loves. That is what counts!
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Since the book wasn't specifically written for hair stylists that live in Kentucky, the good deed I did is probably not in the book anyway. Maybe I don't need this book after all.
A lady came into the salon. She sat down in my chair and went on for a good 5 minutes about how she loved the last haircut I gave her. I let her talk for the full 5 minutes because I don't mind hearing about how awesome I am. When she finally finished complimenting me she whipped out her phone and told me she had a picture of how she wanted her hair cut this time. This usually isn't a problem. I might not be able to give you the exact cut as in the picture but I can get a pretty good general look of it for you.
My only rule is if the picture you are about to show me on your cellphone is older than any cellphone ever invented then you should just put that thing away. I'm not doing it!
Of course, I don't actually have the option of not doing it because that is a) rude of me and b) I don't own the salon I work in. I am your slave. I will do as you wish even if it is ugly as heck hair from the 1980s.
And that is what she showed me. A picture of her from over 20 years ago with feathered hair that closely resembled Joe Dirt.
And I had to do but I gave her some Meagan style which means I gave her an updated look of that horrific picture she showed me. That is my job. To make you beautiful and somewhat presentable for 2014.
When I was done, she wanted it shorter on the sides. She really wanted a mullet. I'm surrounded by mirrors and I am known for my facial expressions. She saw it right away. She laughed and I laughed. I explained to her that what she wanted was Joe Dirts hair haircut and I don't think that is really a good thing. I'm an honest hair stylist. I then sat down curled her feather crap and teased the top and told her she can still get it to look like Farrah Fawcett.
She liked it. She thanked me for saving her from a bad hair decision.
And that was my good deed for the day.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Monday, February 10, 2014
Sunday, February 9, 2014
I feel strong.
And I feel sad...but not for myself. I feel sad for certain people in my life and others like them.
This weekend I was made to feel less than. Basically, that I was not good enough. That my past defined me. That my present didn't meet their standards. That my future would never amount to much. It wasn't put so blunt but I can read between the lines.
And the one person who should have defended me and supported me...didn't. They faltered. They doubted. They are probably still confused and torn as you are reading this.
Let me tell you something...I am good enough. I deserve to be treated better. I deserve so much better. We all do. You, me, her, him, and them. We all deserve better. No one should EVER be made to feel like I did this weekend.
I have made mistakes. Who hasn't? That is life. You learn from them, you move on, and hope not to repeat them again. My mistakes don't define me. My mistakes are guiding me.
I am the woman who is striving to be a better person every day of her life.
I feel really sad for people who expect everyone to fit in a perfect little mold of what we should be like. They are missing out on so many amazing people. It really hurts me to the depths of my soul that there are people that have the appearance of being good, loving, and righteous but they have no room in their hearts for anything that is different.
I feel really sad for the people who just follow in their footsteps without questioning.
You know who I don't feel sorry for? Me. I am Meagan. The mother of Gage. The hair stylist. The woman who at almost 28 still lives with her parents. The payer of her own bills. The book lover. The shopping enthusiast. The best friend. The listener. The woman who wants to go to church but never does. The strong one. The weak one. The supportive one. The loyal one. The person who forgot it was your birthday. The random gift giver. The tickler of tiny toes. The mommy who is sorry she yelled at you. The movie watcher. The reality TV junkie. The car singer. The dress wearer. The sock hater. The caring one. The person with a good heart.
The person is so much more than she could ever list.
I am Meagan. I will always be Meagan. I've never pretended to be anyone else. I keep it real.
My life isn't always perfect. Things might not always turn out the way I want it to. I might stumble from time to time.
My life is lovely, though. Every mistake. Every blessing. It is mine.
I am good enough.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Monday, February 3, 2014
The more I thought about it, though, the more it came to me that the goal list in itself is a reward! How amazing is that?! I don't think I need a reward for completing any of these goals. They are rewards on their own already.
Plus, at the end of the goal list I will have saved $1,111 and that is a lot! I can do quite bit with that much. Vacation? Clothes shopping spree? Donation to the Arthritis Foundation? Or even one of the goals on my list is to donate to someone else's charity of choice.
I have some time to think about it some more. I've only completed 3 goals. Many more to go!
Thursday, January 30, 2014
1. My little man
Biggest blessing in my life. One smile, One kiss, One hug and he melts my worries of the day away.
2. My parents
My parents are always there to help and support me. I don't know where I would be without them.
3. My Love
He is an amazing man. He has a big heart and he loves me with it.
5. My best friends
When we say BFF we really do mean forever.
6. My coworkers
6. Owning a car
7. The roof over my head
8. A warm bed at night
When you hear a story about how people are cuddled up next to on the floor, in the cold, and possibly even outside, a bed seems like a blessing.
9. My job
10. Good health
I haven't had health insurance in 5 years. I'm thankful nothing major has happened to me and I'm thankful for getting health insurance that starts next week!
11. Symptom free months for Gage
My little man has a disease that can wreak havoc on his body. He started a new medicine and has been symptom free for 6 months now.
Drinking. Showering. Washing clothes and dishes. Wow. It is hard to imagine that there are people who don't have it.
13. Food on the table
Again. When you think about people being hungry. Just said.
14. Money in the bank
15. Freedom to worship or to not worship
16. My days off of work
Spending time with the people I love and sleeping. Joys of life.
17. My cats
18. Ability to read
20. Waking up today
21. My eyesight
23. The military
My dad was in the Army for 28 years. I'm thankful for people like him.
24. My hands
Without my hands I couldn't do my job. My hands are precious.
Serenading me through life.
26. Living near a big(ish) city
27. The invention of GPS.
28. Looking forward to things
I'm planning a vacation and had the thought that I'm extremely lucky that I have things like vacation to look forward to.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
1. Love Letters. I didn't actually snail mail him because most of the time he was on the go but love lettered in the email way to him. He love lettered me right back. It was fun and cute to wake up to them because of the time difference and when we were on the same time it was still just amazing to get them. He sent postcards of the places he went to so that was a plus, too. It was romantic.
3. Skype. Oh, his face. His sweet handsome face. Skype made it possible to see it quite often! Our favorite was falling asleep to each other on skype. It was wonderful. Make skype your best friend.
5. Buy a questions book. I bought 4,000 questions to getting to know anyone and everyone . We just went randomly through the book and ask the questions. We really got to know a lot about each other that we might not have ever known if not for this! It was a lot of fun and made us feel closer.
6. Set a time to talk. When we were on different time zones he had to got up hours before he had to go to work to talk to me. I sacrificed a little sleep as well. It was special and important knowing we were making time for each other. It doesn't have to be skype. We used gmail chat and facebook on the non skype days.
7. I love you's. Never let the other person forget how much you love them. Tell them every day. Tell them a 100 times a day. Scream it. Shout it. However you do it just do it.
8. Pictures. When you FINALLY get a chance to see other. Take a lot of pictures. I felt so much more at peace with the situation when I had pictures of us to look at. They brought back memories and made me think about the memories we were going to make when we saw each other again.
9. Date nights. This might seem weird because you are long distance but having date nights with each other is fun. We were always suppose to watch the same movie at the same time but we never ended up doing that. We got busy talking and the hours went by every time. We had some amazing date nights.
10. The struggle makes you stronger. I had this in the back of my mind the whole time. Being in a LDR makes your relationship grow leaps and bounds. More than you could imagine. You have to fight everyday to be in a relationship that isn't easy. Trust, loyalty, honesty, and respect will be the values your relationship is based on. Those sound like pretty solid things, right?
After almost a year of my long distance relationship has come to a close. He is home. Hopefully for good but I know we could survive distance if it needed to happen again. It has been quite a journey. An adventure all around. Now we are on to the next chapter: How to survive being around each other all the time. It will be quite an adjustment but I'm sure we can handle it!
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Friday, January 24, 2014
Thursday, January 23, 2014
When this past Monday came about, it was so beautiful outside! It was still cold but the sun was shining and it didn't feel that bad outside. We have been cooped up in the house for so long we decided to take advantage of the amazing weather and head outside.
After playing with Gage's new outside toys he got at Christmas we decided to on an adventure. Gage decided that we were going to go look for dinosaurs because that is what 6 year old little boys do. So, exploring we went with a field journal, a pen, and a camera strapped around my neck.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
He threw a smile at me like I wasn't a stranger and I'm not a stranger to him at all. I haven't seen him in almost a year. I've barely spoken to him in that year as well. He left his perch by the bar and walked over to me on my end of the bar and just casually said hi while flashing yet another smile. He tried to small talk with me but his eyes said something completely different. I knew I was in trouble. Not in a dangerous trouble in the way that he was going to hurt me. It was in a flirty way with intentions of wanting more from me tonight. Things may be bad with my love right now. I don't know what's going to happen between us but I knew that nothing can happen with this dirty blond headed boy beside me because my heart definitely belongs to someone else.
I decided I need to clear my head. I walked outside to get some air. All around the people were talking to their friends while smoking and they were having the time of their life. I was just feeling uncomfortable and more uncomfortable they were talking about drugs doing ecstasy and shrooms and many more things that I have no clue about. I don't do drugs. The headliner hadn't even performed yet. I had only seen 2 opening acts but I was done. The scene around me was definitely not my scene.
Without going back inside to say goodbye to my old friend I just walked across the parking lot, got in my car, and started to drive home. I was uncomfortable and I left uncomfortable situation. My heart just knew that that wasn't the place for me to be at.
It's really good to branch out sometimes, learn different things and experience new things, but sometimes the new thing just isn't the thing for you and sometimes even the old thing is really not for you either.
Monday, January 20, 2014
It has been a very long 6/7 weeks. It really does feel like he has been gone so much longer. At times my heart ached because I miss him so much. That could be because when he was home he was only here for a few weeks where we didn't get to spend nearly enough time with each other. It feels like a dream now. The memories are starting to fade. I'm starting to forget that special way he looked at me. The way we held when we were driving around. Our Monday Day Dates. I'm excited to bring all of these back and make plenty of more memories with him.
It has been a challenging 6/7 weeks since he has been gone. There were plenty of highs for us but we have had a lot of problems. Some trust was broken. Doubts were put in our minds. It was decided last week to just be on a break from each other. As if the miles between us weren't enough. This break is suppose to give us time to clear our heads and reexamine if our love is enough to make things work between us. I know it is. My heart doesn't want it to be any other way. I'm not giving up.
I really do love this man. I know he loves me. Everything is going to be okay.
I'm so excited.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
a hair stylist?
No. That thought never crossed my mind growing up. That is what I am and I love it.
Last night at work the phone rang and I answered. It was the last customer that I had in my chair. It was my first time doing this customer but she was a regular and I knew she was very picky. A nervous feeling went through my whole body. Phone calls like this can go either way. They hate what I've created or...they love it.
She loved it.
That is the best part of my job. When someone loves how I made them look. A phone call is not always needed. A look on their face when they see the finished result is usually all I need.
I make people feel beautiful or handsome. People leave me and they feel like a million bucks. People leave me and they feel like they can conquer the world!...Ok, that might be a bit of a stretch but I hope they do! I make people feel good about themselves and that really is lovely. It really is a great feeling that runs through my body and fills me with joy!
If I'm not a 10 I'm a 9.9 and don't you forget that.
Luke Bryan is in concert around here tonight. I'm a little sad. I want to be singing at the top of my lungs and swaying my hips to him. Oh, heck. Who am I kidding? I don't need to be at the concert to do that!
Thursday, January 16, 2014
I actually have no idea where she gets the idea that I'm not a morning person but she is right. I am not.
One of my goals on my 101 in 1001 list is to take a picture of the sunrise. I made this goal for two reasons. The first being I really need to pick up my camera and start shooting again. It has been too long and my camera never use to be out of arms reach. The second being because I rarely get to see a sunrise. If for some reason I am seeing a sunrise I'm sure I'm in no state to notice the breathtaking event happening. It was probably a good night, though.
I want to capture a sunrise.
And this is a story on how I almost did it. Almost being the key word.
It was really early in the morning. The time when sunrises usually happen. Possibly a little after but still early enough that it was barely peaking through the sky. I had a few errands to run before work one day. It must have been important because that never happens. I'm usually never out of my door before exactly when I need to be. Just by chance I had my polaroid camera in a tote bag that was slung over my shoulder as I walked to my car. I started to open my car door when I turned slightly and noticed the sky and the gorgeous color it had. I'm surrounded by trees where I live and that just added to the beauty that I was witnessing. A soft orange color meeting the hazy morning blue color of the sky. It was mingled low in the trees. Beautiful, I tell you and as about as close to a sunrise that I have ever been.
I whipped out my polaroid. I knew wouldn't capture the details as well as my 7d but it would have to do. If anything I could remember this moment and feel inspired to capture another sunrise again soon. I snapped my first photo and out popped the picture from the side. I thought I'd better go ahead and snap another just to be safe I had a good picture. Snap, and out it popped. I put the polaroid back in my tote bag, climbed in my car, and drove off.
It was that easy! I did it! I captured my first sunrise!
Or so I thought.
I looked down at the snapshots on the passenger seat and I could have cried. The pictures were just white. Blank. Nothing. Nada. Zip. There was nothing. There was no picture of a sunrise on either one.
What happened? I somehow moved a setting on a camera that wasn't meant to work in the light I was trying to use. Sad but it happens. It especially happens to a girl who has forgotten all about her cameras for the better part of a year.
And that is my story on how I almost captured a sunrise.
Better luck next time.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
You would think I was in midst of a sad ugly cry but that is not the case...
I just waxed my eyebrows.
And it hurt.
And now I'm plucking my eyebrows and it hurts even worse.
It is said that "Beauty is pain". I can absolutely vouch for this. My eyebrows look so much better but the freshly waxed and plucked places are red and irritated and in some serious need of milk or aloe vera. Just give it a hour and I won't see or feel as bad as I do now...until next month when I get to do it again!
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
- Love. Love life. When it knocks you down, get back up, and continue loving. Don't become bitter and jaded. Life is too short. Don't ever let your heart get hard.
- Work really hard at every thing you do and want to become. I'd really like it to be school and more school but if you want to be a famous musician or a clown then do it and do it good and hard.
- Take care of your responsibilities. Work, bills, family, life. Doesn't matter. If it is YOURS take care of it. Life will go along more smoothly and you won't feel so disappointed in yourself.
- Be humble. Don’t think you’re better than anybody else and never think you know everything.
- Have a strong moral compass. Know who you are, what you stand for, and what you value. Try your best to remain true to them.
Do you have any advice for your kids?
Monday, January 13, 2014
My books for the week:
Book 1: Looking For Alaska by John Green
My thoughts: I've heard lot about this author. I thought I wanted to read The Fault In Our Stars especially because it is going to be a movie soon but I couldn't do it. I knew it was going to be sad. I have a son with an auto immune disease and I don't want to read about a child dying from a disease. So, I picked another book about a child dying! Great! Looking For Alaska kept my attention from start to finish. I like the way John Green writes. It was a pretty sad book. I think I even shed some tears near the end of it.
Book 2: Hope Was Here by Joan Bauer
My thoughts: After the last book I knew I needed something more uplifting. This book still had its sad moment but this book was mostly just inspirational. I have so many pages marked and turned down in the book. It was wonderful. I loved every part of it. It was a easy read. The book wasn't very long but it packed a strong message.
Book 3: The Sweetest Thing by Elizabeth Musser
My thoughts: I was hesitant to pick this book up. Something in me told me to and that something was right. This book touched my heart. It spoke straight to my soul. It had very religious tones it and I loved every minute of it. It is a huge book and I didn't think I would finish it so quick. I started reading around 9am and finished right before midnight with many breaks in between. All of the characters in it were wonderful. They found themselves and they lost themselves. They failed at things and were triumphant in other things. They loved and they lost. Isn't that what is life is about? Overcoming our obstacles. This book was amazing.
I was going to go ahead and break my goal for the book-a-thon but after taking a day break I decided that I needed to take a little more time before picking up my next book. I'm also still swarming with thoughts on the 3 books I just read. I'm a reader, though, and my hands won't be off a book for long!